*You Talk Too Much*
Greetings, it is good to be with you again. Our subject today is “learning how to keep our big mouths shut!” This is far easier said than done. (Bible- James 3:5-10) Today, too much is said about everything. Most things don’t require much comment, but that doesn’t stop us. We’ll talk until an ‘argument’ is started. (Which we’ll accuse the other of starting) It never stops.
But psychologically, why do we do it? Psychologist’s tell us it partially has to do with the fact we don’t think that much of ourselves and our basic wisdom. (How we view ourselves has a lot to do with how we see others) I believe this tendency has a lot to do with unanswered calls for some kind of action. We must learn to “put a clock on our desires.” Too often we make vows to ourselves that we are going to do “this or that” during a certain time frame, and ‘before you know it” you’re 50 years old and you’ve still done “nothing of the sort!”
“Put a clock on it!” Your boyfriend/husband might lay around the house ‘sleeping and ‘eating.’ He says he’s going to look for a job tomorrow…but tomorrow never comes… he just wants to “talk about it.” “Put a clock on it!” You’ll get results by so and so time or he’ll just have to find ‘somewhere else’ to sleep and eat! The truth is “he got what he wanted, but now he doesn’t want what he got!” At least not bad enough to work to keep it! So instead of getting a job, let’s just “talk about it.” Ever happen to you? A quick study of “language” and the communication of ideas in our personal relationships is the technical aspect of our brief discussion this morning.
Besides sex, there isn’t much to compete with ‘changing others mind” to our way of thinking. Preachers make millions of dollars daily doing just that. There is almost nothing as precious to us all than having the ability to persuade others that “We are right, and they are wrong.” We see this daily. Especially on the news and our religious television broadcasts. Language is the deadliest talent Natural selection (or God) has ever given Man. Some other species on this planet have endured 40,000 generations without significant communication change. Man has ‘outperformed’ them all immensely. But we must learn to control our desires and expectations.
Our brain contains ~86-100 billion neurons and 100 trillion synapses. Some lead to ‘shame.’ (I am bad) and still others lead to ‘guilt.’ (I did something bad). But few (it seems) leads to maturity. Maturity neither idealizes or denigrates others. In an infant’s mind one is either ‘good or bad.’ With the ‘good’ one being associated with the one that satisfies its every whim. Hopefully, one arrives at a healthy conclusion that there is no human being alive that can or will make them eternally happy. Many of us ‘never grow up’ and use language to ‘amplify’ our dissatisfaction with those we have sworn to honor, love, and protect. (How soon we forget)
In spite of our dreams no one we love will ever be able to satisfy us completely always. But incompletion or incompetence is never a reason to hate, but to help. Unfortunately, language is rarely used for helping as often as it is to ‘tear down’ a less than ‘perfect’ relationship. (As if perfect relationships grow on trees) Why is convincing someone to believe something they don’t want to believe so attractive? Perhaps it’s the ‘us against them’ aspect. If one learns from the opponent, he/she loses the argument. So usually, your opponent won’t even listen.
So where does this leave the average relationship? Babies are ‘uncivilized.’ They often raise ‘hell’ if they don’t get their way. And (it seems) at times so do we. Many just ‘fight, fight, fight! And when the relationship is over…we wish we hadn’t. (That’s what all the hit songs are about) And often, we try to make ‘amends’ in order to get them back. But do we learn from our mistakes? Not really. This is where ‘professional experts’ at marriage and relationships ‘cash in!’ They tell you things you already know in ‘selected’ language that is ‘superior’ to your dialect. It’s just that simple. ($$$ please) And you’ve probably already lost your mate anyway.
Listen; the best we can hope for is to love someone ‘adequate’ for our needs. Anyone far in excess of this is going to cause jealousy and longevity problems. Sometimes the better we use language, the more trouble we make for ourselves. You may have convinced the wrong person to only ‘temporarily’ love you. ‘Grow up.’ You cannot drive a ‘Bentley’ on a Chevy income for long. And stop all the crying about life being unfair. Life seems unfair to most of us. Know your limitations and stay within them. Try loving one who is ‘adequate’ for your needs, not one in excess of them. And learn when to ‘shut up!’ in the long run, you’ll be eternally glad you did. Stay well.
“It is better to be hated for what you are, than loved for what you are not.” – Andre’ Gide
All the best,
Henri W. Tartt,
Supervising Chemist, and
Chief of Microbiology
City of Cleveland, Ohio (USA)
Email:henri@henriwtartt.com
Website:*Tartt's Scientific Approach*