*Uncontainable* (A brief look at Human Sexuality and Love)
Greetings to you, It's good to be with you again. Ever wonder "What it's all about?" Well unfortunately it's not about as much as we might think. At least, that's my belief. We go about our daily lives with some of us thinking "I wonder what God has in store for me today?" Still others ponder the "randomness" and obvious lack of concern exhibited by the daily events. However, while thinking about whatever we're thinking about our thoughts are briefly and often interrupted by the sight or flash of an ample female hip or breast, a chiseled male chest or arm, or whatever happens to "float your boat".
The untold truth is that from the age of about twelve to seventy most of us are walking self-contained "cauldrons" (the cauldron begins to cool after about sixty) of hormones controlled only by our upbringing, a few civil laws, and often only minimally observed religious dogma. While men are the most noted for outward aggressive sexual behavior, women are far more subtle, but never the less more successful than are men at the game of sexual seduction. So successful, in fact, they control virtually every relationship during its early stages. However, thousands of years have proven that both are equally willing participants in courtship affairs. We know only too well about the physical ramifications of this activity, but what about love? Is there really any such thing? Is *Sex* love? I have told you repeatedly over the years that everything is chemistry!
And yes! There is a chemical basis for love! Scientists have seen it through the study of Evolutionary Psychology, and Neurological Chemistry which involve the chemicals serotonin, oxytocin, nerve growth hormone, limbic system analyses, and brain imaging techniques. Einstein said that "Love is a chemical reaction that dissipates over time". But I say that this reactionary dissipation only happens because of (example reaction) the influx of atmospheric water (moisture) or the loss of water through desiccation (drying). In other words, according to science, if this "Love Reaction" which is both physical and psychological is protected from additional physical compound reactions and psychological promiscuity it does not have to change, die, fade, or lose its stability. This is reliable chemistry and may in fact be "standardized". (Adjusted for accuracy). So yes there is a physical and emotional thing called "Love" and yes it is possible to maintain. But hold on, the biggest threat to love is from another hormonal chemical reaction which can interfere with the love reaction by "over-secretion" of a certain hormone into the primary reaction. This increased secretion "amplifies" the primary reaction from modest to agitated. The "love thief" in this scenario is *Lust*, and the villainous hormone is *Testosterone*. Lust brings about an excessive secretion of testosterone and causes physical desire to overcome our psychological restraints. At present, we have no effective way of controlling this destructive mechanism without interrupting the entire sexual process. Because of the varied psychological and psychotic directions this process may take, society often has all manner of sexual aberration, and deviation to deal with. The main problem here is that men's "genes' have programmed them to make unlimited copies of themselves, seemingly at the expense of the female population. These (often successful) attempts are mainly driven by Lust, which can be a very dangerous emotion.
Lust has brought down Kings, Queens, Presidents, Senators, Governors, Mayors, Councilmen, and Countries. (Not to mention husbands and wives). No one is immune. History shows us that it is the "Supreme King" in charge when testosterone levels exceed about 600 nanograms in men and about 200 nanograms in women. At or above this hormonal level men and women have been known to try and have "careless sex" with individuals of a far more "questionable" nature than would normally be the case. If no one is available for this activity, they will masturbate. If denied this type of gratification they may experience a "wet dream" (which no one is responsible for). Lust has the potential to make those who are in its grasp find themselves among the biggest of fools. Increased testosterone levels "dull" the mind and also short-circuits the Neo-Cortex. (This is where our deductive reasoning abilities exist). This enables our *reactionary* Brain-Stem System to gain control allowing us to make all sorts of thoughtless decisions that we may wind up being very regretfully sorry for. (e.g. waking up in the morning with HIV-AIDS).
One of these regretful decisions is the continuous search for the wonderful emotional feeling of "falling in love". This elusive euphoric feeling if continuously sought can be a "wolf in sheep's clothing", and a "demon in disguise". The quest for and love of this beguiling, transient "love feeling" causes more marital breakups and heartache than almost any other experience. And the breakups and failed relationships that this fruitless search causes are rarely worth the effort. The "pseudo" love that one finds is usually never worth the love that one has just thrown away. Why? Because love is a "chemical+psychological+time reaction". And that reaction is not instantly stable and time is the catalyst that "drives" the reaction and makes true love possible. And well, Lust. (due to the increased testosterone) just never has the necessary time to wait for true love to develop, and the terrible mistake is then usually made in haste. So once again, our "Hot Momma/Papa" loses the game and is off looking for this "good feeling" over, and over, again. This practice if not curtailed, can be dangerous. There is a limit to how much disappointment one can safely endure. Am I being clear here? At some point the wise among us must realize that we all have to "settle" for partners that we can honestly woo, court, get, And keep. Many of us can sometimes manage to "involve" ourselves in relationships with people that are a bit "over our heads" or "out of our league" in looks, education, and whatever. However, this type of relationship usually lasts for only a "brief" period and is usually wrought with argument and contention because the person with the "upper hand" expects so much more from the relationship than they are willing to "give". Therefore, it may not actually be worth the time spent on it. Scripture says "Be ye not unequally yoked". (2Cor. 6:14). There was a time when two Oxen were "yoked" together and hooked up to a water, or grinding mill. They would the walk around in a circle thus pumping the water (or whatever) but as they continued to walk in this circle, the ruts in the ground that their hooves made began to be deeper for the smaller Ox due to the number of steps required to "keep up" with the taller Ox. This difference in rut depth will eventually "choke" the smaller Ox. Thus the Scripture lesson. It takes some talent, brains, humility, and objectivity to recognize this type of relationship before it goes too far. It's always a bad idea to waste your time and emotions on a "one-sided" affair.
Still, many men (and women) seem to be powerless over this temptation and continue to spend great deals of money and treasure to both ruin their lives and destroy their reputations. In fact, given the right circumstances men and women have the capacity to act very much like out of control wild animals! But remember, that's exactly the genus that we really are, highly sophisticated, smart, but in reality, simply warm-blooded animals! (Fortunately not all of us are wild). In view of world history and many of the horrific events that we allow to take place on a daily basis we probably give ourselves too much credit. We show every day that many of us in this world give animals a bad name. Now I'm not unfairly singling out this particular group of individuals here, but I must mention those of the female persuasion who for some reason unknown to science just can't seem to say "No" to men. These women seem to believe almost everything men say in order to have their "way" with them. Most of these women say they are looking for a husband and are afraid that if they turn them down then they will simply take their affections elsewhere. I say "good riddance" to men who will leave a woman for this reason. After they successfully seduce her, they will most likely still leave her anyway. When I was a young teenager there were houses of "Ill Repute" within easy reach of most neighborhoods. Many young men would save their money and visit these establishments from time to time. This was because at that time, there were not as many women and girls around that would "sleep" with someone before marriage. Not so today. Today, every home no matter how humble or mansion-like, that houses a teenage girl or young woman is viewed by most men and boys as a potential place of "conquest". With good reason, women and teenage girls today are far more sexually active sooner, and seemingly "less selective" than ever before! Here is what I believe to be a good lesson for all women who are looking for a husband: Get all of your friends together and tell them that "If all of you would make a man marry you before you slept with him then all women would be married in no time! The truth is that men *have to have it!* and they will do, say, anything (lie, cheat, steal, etc.) to get it! (And that includes marriage) If a man had to visit prostitutes (not just go next door and seduce your "best friend") in order to have sex he would be far more receptive to the idea of marriage much sooner. But your "friends" would have to permanently stop sleeping around! This will include the many older women who have attained wealth and power and are used to having things "their" way! But that's all it would take. Oh well, good luck with that one. With today's morality this probably isn't going to happen. This is really unfortunate because this simple procedure would virtually *eliminate* the STD problem and many lives would be saved. It is during this period of illicit, promiscuous, irresponsible, intense sexual activity that produces most of the guilt, remorse, adultery, divorce, and infectious disease transmission. And be assured, Love is not here.
Men think about sex >5,000 times a year! Women only 1,825 times/yr. This is because they (men) produce about 25 times the testosterone than do women. This gives them about four times the sex drive than that of women. While estrogen is the primary hormone that gives women their beautiful female form and directs their sexual functions, testosterone is the hormone that makes both men and women "horny". This hormone would be the ideal female "Viagra" if it were not for the undesirable side-effects of beard growth, diminished breast size, and other unmentionables. Nature through hormones and genes has so constructed men aged 14-26 that they think about sex every seven seconds! Even healthy older men have little relief from this condition as fully 30% of men over the age of 30 have visited and paid prostitutes for sexual favors. But if prostitutes had to depend on only these few men to support their profession, they'd either starve or also have to get married. (Thus closing down this illegal sexual outlet). And most certainly, Love is not here either.
Have you ever taken note of how much wisdom and moral character is usually exhibited by older individuals? Look at the knowledge, clairvoyance and calmness that most seem to have. This is because (in part) of their diminishing hormone levels. The lack of massive hormonal involvement in their daily lives allows them to think and judge logically and clearly without the underlying pressing psychological and physical need to mate. This "do it before you die" instruction that is genetically programmed into all younger/middle aged people has now given them a modicum of rest and peace. Even the use of Viagra and the like does not increase their hormone levels. In other words, their bodies can no longer react with the same intensity and proficiency due to the lack of sufficient hormonal presence. So they behave themselves, go to church, synagogue, or mosque, and preach to young people about how bad and immoral they are. But the truth is that when they were young they too had far less self control and were every bit as bad and promiscuous as any of today's generation. Still, some of them can't handle the fact that they're getting old, and many join younger criminals in the commission of various sexual crimes. Sexual crime has always been with us. Some men and women handle increased testosterone levels badly. Most sexual criminals come from two groups: 1) "The Has Been's", and 2) "The Never Will Be's", but especially the latter group. They are those who more easily "throw caution to the wind" in search of a torrid experience with a child or an adult who wants nothing to do with them. And these people often wind up in jail. As I said before *Testosterone* (mishandled) can be a demon. Many men and women in a state of unfulfilled sexual arousal have committed horrific sexual crimes. And some who appear harmless to the public can pose a significant danger to "trusting" individuals. Always keep your eyes open, and it's probably not a good idea to "drop the soap" around such an individual.
Men get jobs so they can afford a woman (or sometimes a man), men buy cars so they can attract a woman, men and women dress "sharply" so they can attract a partner, they learn how to sing, dance, swim, cook, hunt bears, and everything in-between to attract a companion. In fact, an astonishing amount of what one does (50%) is either directly or indirectly influenced by the desire to attract and keep a mate. (Or sometimes multiple mates). Even at the end, the sex (germ) cells are the last to die. In fact, for a while after the death of an individual these cells continue to be "viable" and are still eager to produce healthy offspring. If the person is heterosexual and the legal issues can be resolved, this is possible. And so it is, we continually find ourselves locked in this most wonderful, complex, and oft times painful dilemma. No doubt, we probably will for all time to come. And since we (most of us) cannot seem to "keep it to ourselves" (our genitals) is there anything we can do to improve or at least help to contain all this sexual activity with all of its varied results?
Very little, (short of chemical/surgical intervention). Human sexuality is (almost) *Uncontainable*. What we are dealing with here my dear is the very "life force" itself. In my opinion, our best defense is not condoms, which half of the male population will not use half of the time. It's "One man, One woman, (or whomever) Forever!" I've said that before. A life filled with noncommittal, lust, and debauchery leads to nowhere but illness. (Mental and otherwise). All of the stories and "fairy tales" that we've grown up with about living "happily ever after" and second, third, and fourth chances to get it right is nothing but so much "BS". Realistically, life doesn't tend to end all that well. And it ends even worse when the person is alone and without love. All should plan for this stage of life. But many may say: "I've already ruined my best relationships, what can I do now?" Well, stay in the one you're in now. (If possible). And if you have not contracted one (or more) of the horrible, (some incurable) STD'S *yet* like Syphilis or Human Papilloma Virus (HPV). And if you are not sick or dying from the ravages of Hepatitis "B", or Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV-AIDS), then no matter "who you think you are", what your income or station in life currently is, consider yourself lucky and be grateful for the relationship you have. Commit to it, relax, and in *Time*, (If it's not already there) *Love* will follow. It's Chemistry. Stay well.
All The Best,
- Henri W. Tartt
Henri W. Tartt
Supervising Chemist &
Chief of Microbiology
City of Cleveland, Ohio (Retired)